From the age of 1 and up, I was never safe. And the older I got, the less safe I was. How can it be?
When I was a baby, I was abused.
When I was a todler, I was abused.
I have never had the wonderful day when I met my love, and wanted to be the first for him.
I never was the first for anyone, really. I never knew how it feels like to be a virgin. But then again, I have learned from it.
Now I just want to take care of those children who have been abused. I would like to hug them, to tell them they are not alone. How can I do that? Well, I can start by dropping by sites where abused children have made their pages. I can try to help through mails. I can try to just be there for them.
Safety is so important to a child. I never felt safe, and I know that has influenced me for ages. I have tried to kill myself so many times. Never worked though.:-)
I was 13 years old when I first tried to commit suicide. Didn`t work. And then I found that I had to get away from home. Got married at 17, had a baby, and thought I would manage to be safe. Well, that didn`t help either. I was not safe there either. Moved far away. Tried to put all those bad things behind me. But that didn`t work either.
So, finally I got some help. NOT easy. I tried so many times to cry for help. I OD`d and I ran away. Even today the thought of suicide comes to my mind now and again. But I am not willing to die for something that is not my fault.
Why do we need to keep children safe, and how do we manage to make them safe? By being there. By believing them. No matter what they say, believe them. Don`t say: this cannot be true. Been there, done that, and let me tell you, THAT HURT.
When my wonderful child was abused, I could have killed. And during trials, I still could have killed. Why MY kid? Why didn`t I see it. I have tried to think about this many times, going through it over and over, and still I feel bad.
Please, every parents out there. Watch your kids, talk to them, show them love.
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